I turned 24 on December 27th. Come January 30th it will be exactly one year since I moved back home. I feel restless, and on my worst days I fear I have no direction. My friend Maeve posted some quotes recently that particularly struck a chord with me, quotes on friendship and solitude.
Edna O'Brien, 1970s
"We all leave one another. We die, we change - it's mostly change - we outgrow our best friends; but even if I do leave you, I will have passed on to you something of myself; you will be a different person because of knowing me; it's inescapable..."
- Edna O'Brien
Jane Morris, 1865, photographed by Robert Parsons, styled by Rossetti
“It’s no good! It’s no good trying to rid your own aloneness. You’ve got to stick to it all your life. Only at times, at times, the gap will be filled in. At times! But you have to wait for the times. Accept your own aloneness and stick to it, all your life. And then accept the times when the gap is filled in, when they come. But they’ve got to come. You can’t force them.”
- D.H. Lawrence, Lady Chatterley’s Lover
I fill notebooks with words, ideas, I don't know how much they mean. Writing something is often a comfort, sometimes it's necessary, memories slip from my mind like shopping lists. I'm not trying to establish anything here, but to find comfort in the everyday, and to start translating words into action. I comfort myself by assuring myself I still have time, it's filling the time with something, that's the trouble for me. I struggle to live fearlessly and it's time I combatted that.
Regular posting will resume shortly.